Monday 9th March 2015

Left the house at 7am to make what should have been the 7 hours and 40 minute journey up to Ayr to pick up my lovely new Gretsch jazz kit. I know it's a long way to go, but sometimes a kit is that nice, and was such a good deal on Ebay, that you just have to put the hours in. 9 hours later I eventually met up with the very friendly Trevor in a garden centre car park to pick up the kit. Shouldn't have been 9 hours, but for some reason by pathetic sat nav took me on a diversion through Glasgow. 

Then sped down to Darlington to make my stand-up début. Was really tight for time, having ended up back in Glasgow (fucks sake) during rush hour, made it with 20 minutes to spare. My first foray into proper stand-up was an eye-opening affair; I turned up, exchanged pleasantries with fellow comics, all of us waiting at the back of the small, sweaty, rammed room, nervously. I've performed comedy in much bigger rooms before, but there's something about the tag 'stand-up' that completely changes expectations - and the fact that you have a tiny raised stage, and a microphone, and a spotlight. I watched the act before me, making proper jokes, and decided to change tact completely. Everyone seems to have a sense of urgency - the host says a few jokes, larks with the audience, the acts then come on and latch onto to the mic and launch into it. I scrapped what I'd rehearsed/written last week and decided to be the token 'odd guy' on the bill. I walked on, still wearing my coat, in no great rush, eventually turning to the audience and told them to, "give me a sec." I even took a shoe off to prove how comfortable I was in their company. I rambled a bit, very much and hit my cajon quite a lot - 'sang' two songs, 'I Shouted Marvellous During Sex' and 'Grace', both of which were the highlight of the 10 minutes. Half of the audience were baffled, the other half crying with laughter. I can milk the oddness, you know - of my gangly looks, of my natural awkwardness. It was far from polished, but I'm quite looking forward to doing it all again. 

And then a long drive home. I drove nearly 900 miles, and for 16 hours on Monday. I listened to a Stevie Wonder live album 3 times and the time just flew by. Got in just before 1am.