Been back at home for a few days and it's good to be back...family stuff has been driving me absolutely mad. Home to enjoy lots of long baths to reflect on everything, and to work out a proper action plan for next year. So many projects already - mostly comedy (because the band stuff looks after itself), just need to work out which ones are achievable. I reckon all of them...
Novel is finished, completely done and dusted. Will now just leave it for 4 months before looking at it again, and then Helen is going to proofread it.
Gif tonight with Steve. A bit shambolic, understatement.
Thursday, 31 December 2015
Monday, 28 December 2015
Sunday 27th December 2015
Took a few days out for Christmas, as you do, for family stuff. But then realised I don't *really* have the ability to switch off so on Christmas Day I got Dad's old laptop out and did some work on the novel whilst Mum and Angela were asleep.
Worked on it pretty much for three days solid, in between dog walking, eating too much and sleeping. It's been an exhausting year, I fully intend to get as much sleep in before things go crazy again.
I expected this to be the most depressing Christmas ever, but it hasn't. True, there's a huge Dad-shaped-hole here, but we got through it. Maybe we're stronger than we think? Managed to catch up with a few mates too - Matt (twice), Michael and tonight Fiona - a girl (woman) who just gets it all completely.
The novel is done as a first draft now, but still needs a lot of work. I'm not due in to freelance for another week so I have time to create something wonderful, I think, if I can actually escape from the family home for a bit.
Worked on it pretty much for three days solid, in between dog walking, eating too much and sleeping. It's been an exhausting year, I fully intend to get as much sleep in before things go crazy again.
I expected this to be the most depressing Christmas ever, but it hasn't. True, there's a huge Dad-shaped-hole here, but we got through it. Maybe we're stronger than we think? Managed to catch up with a few mates too - Matt (twice), Michael and tonight Fiona - a girl (woman) who just gets it all completely.
The novel is done as a first draft now, but still needs a lot of work. I'm not due in to freelance for another week so I have time to create something wonderful, I think, if I can actually escape from the family home for a bit.
Thursday, 24 December 2015
Wednesday 23rd December 2015
For obvious reasons, I just don't feel festive right now. Will try and turn it around in time.
So many diary clashes for 2016 already, that's a bit concerning...yet so much I want to do.
Spent the day shopping with Mum as she tries to get her head around the festive season, whilst making notes in the car about how to achieve megastardom next year...basically just a massive to-do list of exciting things.
So many diary clashes for 2016 already, that's a bit concerning...yet so much I want to do.
Spent the day shopping with Mum as she tries to get her head around the festive season, whilst making notes in the car about how to achieve megastardom next year...basically just a massive to-do list of exciting things.
Wednesday, 23 December 2015
Tuesday 22nd December 2015
Long drive back from Devon; we're all a little emotionally drained.
Got back in time to watch my Britpop panto be performed in Cambridge. So nice to 'just' be the writer...just sat there with Anna watch a bunch of brilliant actors bring my words to life...such life, they were amazing! Flattered by it all, to be honest, I want to work with them all again.
Got back in time to watch my Britpop panto be performed in Cambridge. So nice to 'just' be the writer...just sat there with Anna watch a bunch of brilliant actors bring my words to life...such life, they were amazing! Flattered by it all, to be honest, I want to work with them all again.
Monday 21st December 2015
Dad's funeral. Tough day, beautiful ceremony, I don't think he knew just how popular he was. Listened to a lot of stories about him; he was such a worker, so loyal, always with an amazing sense of humour even during the dark times. I will strive to be at least half the man he was.
Sunday, 20 December 2015
Sunday 20th December 2015
Barely slept last night, which wasn't ideal. And then up early, picked up G+V and off to Northampton for an afternoon gig. Odd show, very odd. We didn't get on with the support act, an odd American lady who performed (in this small pub to about 7 people) her gig as a live webcast thing...but nobody was tuning in to watch. She made us hold the camera and then got annoyed when we didn't give a shit, constantly apologising to her online 'audience' for the fact that we 'abandoned' them.
And then midway through our set, a drunk Polish man randomly gave us £60 as a tip and spent the whole show waving at us. Later on I could see him buy everyone shots and then he started smashing things...as soon as our set was done we made a quick exit.
Now at mum's ahead of the horrible long day tomorrow.
And then midway through our set, a drunk Polish man randomly gave us £60 as a tip and spent the whole show waving at us. Later on I could see him buy everyone shots and then he started smashing things...as soon as our set was done we made a quick exit.
Now at mum's ahead of the horrible long day tomorrow.
Saturday, 19 December 2015
Saturday 19th December 2015
Up early and took Mum to the hairdressers as she wanted to look nice for dad's funeral on Monday. Spent 3 hours waiting in the car, made notes for the 4th Lab musical for next year that I'm writing for them, and also jotted down a few other ideas. It was time well spent.
Got back, dozed off for a bit, listened to the football, and then worked on my speech for the funeral. Trying to be optimistic with it, but how can you be optimistic when your dad has just died?
Need good things to happen. I know that's what everyone wants, and I don't mean to whinge or anything, but just a break, a little break, please. This feeling is possibly fuelled by the fact that everyone in the industry is rejecting '50 Ways...' - mostly with polite rejection, I didn't like today's one, someone said that it "doesn't feel like it's quite there, just yet." It's not a work in progress, pal. I get it, that's how the industry works, Fawlty Towers was rejected by everyone, Dad's Army almost didn't happen. I'm not saying this is in the same league as that (it isn't), but it has charm, and I just want somebody who isn't in it, or isn't a friend of mine, to like it. Please.
Evening played a covers gig with G+V, we were tired and not in the mood, but it turned into a really nice gig, despite the two dogs fighting in the corner. Nice that Claudia and Marcel popped down, audience seemed up for it and venue paid us a little extra. I played with quite a lot of enthusiasm, but yawned quite a lot. Easy money, isn't it, playing covers? AND THAT'S THE TRAP. THAT'S WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN. NOBODY WILL LIKE MY FILM, I'LL END UP BEING 'SATISFIED' PLAYING ED SHEERAN SONGS FOR A LIVING. THIS WILL BE MY LIFE SOON.
Bollocks.
Got back, dozed off for a bit, listened to the football, and then worked on my speech for the funeral. Trying to be optimistic with it, but how can you be optimistic when your dad has just died?
Need good things to happen. I know that's what everyone wants, and I don't mean to whinge or anything, but just a break, a little break, please. This feeling is possibly fuelled by the fact that everyone in the industry is rejecting '50 Ways...' - mostly with polite rejection, I didn't like today's one, someone said that it "doesn't feel like it's quite there, just yet." It's not a work in progress, pal. I get it, that's how the industry works, Fawlty Towers was rejected by everyone, Dad's Army almost didn't happen. I'm not saying this is in the same league as that (it isn't), but it has charm, and I just want somebody who isn't in it, or isn't a friend of mine, to like it. Please.
Evening played a covers gig with G+V, we were tired and not in the mood, but it turned into a really nice gig, despite the two dogs fighting in the corner. Nice that Claudia and Marcel popped down, audience seemed up for it and venue paid us a little extra. I played with quite a lot of enthusiasm, but yawned quite a lot. Easy money, isn't it, playing covers? AND THAT'S THE TRAP. THAT'S WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN. NOBODY WILL LIKE MY FILM, I'LL END UP BEING 'SATISFIED' PLAYING ED SHEERAN SONGS FOR A LIVING. THIS WILL BE MY LIFE SOON.
Bollocks.
Friday 18th December 2015
Last night was good, I think, I just didn't really take it all in properly at the time. Got back late though, and needed to freelance for the final time in the office this year as it was our little Christmas celebration...pub grub and a fancy bottle of whiskey, which is very kind of the boss.
Got home, switched kits over from the Tama to the Gretsch (smaller stage for the evening gig) and then back on the road again to play a function gig with FH. After the buzz of last night, we were all a bit knackered. Long gig - first half all originals, second half was our covers set. Thought the second half was poor, it lacked energy, a bit sloppy in places (me in particular) but the audience didn't notice.
Tired. 2 more gigs this weekend, then Dad's funeral. Harsh times.
Got home, switched kits over from the Tama to the Gretsch (smaller stage for the evening gig) and then back on the road again to play a function gig with FH. After the buzz of last night, we were all a bit knackered. Long gig - first half all originals, second half was our covers set. Thought the second half was poor, it lacked energy, a bit sloppy in places (me in particular) but the audience didn't notice.
Tired. 2 more gigs this weekend, then Dad's funeral. Harsh times.
Thursday, 17 December 2015
Thursday 17th December 2015
I assumed I wasn't needed in the office today given that they ran out of work for us mere freelancer types yesterday, but then got a text this morning saying some stuff had come in if I fancied it, which I did because Christmas is expensive. Anyway, it was fine, was in till about 3-ish, which was long enough really.
Mum seems better today, yesterday she was so understandably upset. This will be a horrible Christmas.
Had an interesting chat with a contact about performing comedy down in Cornwall, and also a festival in Manchester are "happy for me to perform" at theirs, which is cool, I think.
Got my first diary clash of 2016, the first of many, I imagine. It's annoying as there are still plenty of free days in 2016, trust two of my projects to clash.
Early soundcheck for the FH Christmas gig in Cambridge, a 4.30pm start, but with a stage time of 9.20pm, purely because we wanted this to be special. I think it was - okay, I know technically it was, it was a complete sellout, uncomfortably busy, our audience are dedicated and loyal to everything we do. The set was slightly different for us - kind of went top-heavy with some of the songs normally reserved for later in the evening going in at the start, with a bunch of Christmas covers thrown in at the end and our friends (and tonight's support act) Said the Maiden joining us for the last couple of numbers. So I think it was all great, but you know - my head isn't quite there at the moment, I'm doing very well as acting as the 'mad, crazy drummer' but I just can't bring myself to feel happy right now, this may be a while off yet. In the meantime, FH continue to get bigger and if we keep playing like this, we'll be more than fine on the big tour next year.
Set: Christmas at Home, Shut Up and Dance, Fire, Bluebird, Goodbye Sweet City, Fine Life, Face in the Water, Nevermind, Earthquake, Standing Next to Me, Ghost Town, California for a Girl, Last Christmas (cover), All I Want for Christmas is You (cover), This Little Boy, Beautiful You; ENCORE: Silent Night (cover, with Said the Maiden), Fairytale of New York (cover, with Said the Maiden).
Mum seems better today, yesterday she was so understandably upset. This will be a horrible Christmas.
Had an interesting chat with a contact about performing comedy down in Cornwall, and also a festival in Manchester are "happy for me to perform" at theirs, which is cool, I think.
Got my first diary clash of 2016, the first of many, I imagine. It's annoying as there are still plenty of free days in 2016, trust two of my projects to clash.
Early soundcheck for the FH Christmas gig in Cambridge, a 4.30pm start, but with a stage time of 9.20pm, purely because we wanted this to be special. I think it was - okay, I know technically it was, it was a complete sellout, uncomfortably busy, our audience are dedicated and loyal to everything we do. The set was slightly different for us - kind of went top-heavy with some of the songs normally reserved for later in the evening going in at the start, with a bunch of Christmas covers thrown in at the end and our friends (and tonight's support act) Said the Maiden joining us for the last couple of numbers. So I think it was all great, but you know - my head isn't quite there at the moment, I'm doing very well as acting as the 'mad, crazy drummer' but I just can't bring myself to feel happy right now, this may be a while off yet. In the meantime, FH continue to get bigger and if we keep playing like this, we'll be more than fine on the big tour next year.
Set: Christmas at Home, Shut Up and Dance, Fire, Bluebird, Goodbye Sweet City, Fine Life, Face in the Water, Nevermind, Earthquake, Standing Next to Me, Ghost Town, California for a Girl, Last Christmas (cover), All I Want for Christmas is You (cover), This Little Boy, Beautiful You; ENCORE: Silent Night (cover, with Said the Maiden), Fairytale of New York (cover, with Said the Maiden).
Wednesday 16th December 2015
Up early for a quick local TV appearance promoting the panto. I know the station and the team well, and the host, Sophie, was utterly lovely but I wasn't on great form. Just a little tired, the subject matter (the stuff I'm doing for charity) was nice but a little close to the bone...talking about why I'm doing so much for charity just 2 weeks after dad passed on is fine, but perhaps not on the telly.
Still, the station are keen on producing 6 episodes of the music quiz, so will get onto that for January. Next year is starting to fill up nicely, but it does seem like there's a real tussle for my time at the moment...it should be a good thing, all of these bands/venues needing me, but it's not, it just means I have to apologise a lot.
Went to the office for a bit but they sent me home after 2 hours because we literally had nothing to do. That's not a great sign.
Got back, had a cat nap and then started sending short stories to loads of magazines...could be the future?
Evening recording with the Dowsing band...long session in great company, complex and slightly unrehearsed material, but everything nailed as a full band within 4 takes. I don't feel great at the moment - Mum is getting really upset a lot (mostly because the hospital called asking to speak to my dad) and in return I'm getting very down about stuff, but I'm still drumming like a fucking legend.
Still, the station are keen on producing 6 episodes of the music quiz, so will get onto that for January. Next year is starting to fill up nicely, but it does seem like there's a real tussle for my time at the moment...it should be a good thing, all of these bands/venues needing me, but it's not, it just means I have to apologise a lot.
Went to the office for a bit but they sent me home after 2 hours because we literally had nothing to do. That's not a great sign.
Got back, had a cat nap and then started sending short stories to loads of magazines...could be the future?
Evening recording with the Dowsing band...long session in great company, complex and slightly unrehearsed material, but everything nailed as a full band within 4 takes. I don't feel great at the moment - Mum is getting really upset a lot (mostly because the hospital called asking to speak to my dad) and in return I'm getting very down about stuff, but I'm still drumming like a fucking legend.
Wednesday, 16 December 2015
Tuesday 15th December 2015
Did a few hours in the office; the other guy didn't show up but I updated their Twitter and stuff and kind of kept things moving for them.
Spent a few hours helping Mum with her shopping, and confirmed the first of the tour shows for the June run of the '50 Ways...' stage show. A promoter praised my 'brilliant sales pitch' ... he clearly doesn't get many sales pitches, then. Confirmed a local TV appearance for tomorrow but still not sure what I'm supposed to be promoting.
FH rehearsal was just what I needed...came into it feeling flat and down about family stuff, but we rocked it, Thursday's gig should be the best gig of the year on paper: it's our best set, it's all party stuff, there's a bunch of surprises in there. Knackered me out big style though, that was a long session.
Spent a few hours helping Mum with her shopping, and confirmed the first of the tour shows for the June run of the '50 Ways...' stage show. A promoter praised my 'brilliant sales pitch' ... he clearly doesn't get many sales pitches, then. Confirmed a local TV appearance for tomorrow but still not sure what I'm supposed to be promoting.
FH rehearsal was just what I needed...came into it feeling flat and down about family stuff, but we rocked it, Thursday's gig should be the best gig of the year on paper: it's our best set, it's all party stuff, there's a bunch of surprises in there. Knackered me out big style though, that was a long session.
Tuesday, 15 December 2015
Monday 14th December 2015
Yeah, yesterday was totally amazing - just what I needed. One of those days where I'm just flattered to be around musicians this good, yet also they happen to be the loveliest people ever. Felt it a bit today, though; I was the only one out of four of us who made it into a workplace. Only did 4 hours, it dragged big style. All of me aches.
Random observation: this is the first year I've not got excited by the Christmas Radio Times. Got myself a copy, but just couldn't bring myself to read it, doesn't feel right without having to compete with Dad to see who got it first.
Had a really productive evening booking up stuff for next year - applied for pretty much every fringe festival (apart from Brighton because their website is confusing me), every music festival to see if they want comedy, various other bits and bobs.
Released the Christmas singles, a few people bought it I think.
Random observation: this is the first year I've not got excited by the Christmas Radio Times. Got myself a copy, but just couldn't bring myself to read it, doesn't feel right without having to compete with Dad to see who got it first.
Had a really productive evening booking up stuff for next year - applied for pretty much every fringe festival (apart from Brighton because their website is confusing me), every music festival to see if they want comedy, various other bits and bobs.
Released the Christmas singles, a few people bought it I think.
Monday, 14 December 2015
Sunday 13th December 2015
A long but brilliant day. The day of our '10 gigs in 1 day' event in which Claudia, Marcel, Edd and I played...well, 10 gigs, all in Cambridge. Planned meticulously, promoted terribly, but we did it - 12 hours of gigs, a lot of amazing people met along the way. Full credit to Phill for coming to all 10 gigs, whilst Rob came to most of them as well, as did Bryan and Kate...I've got incredible friends.
The gigs started out in a small cafe, before eventually moving up to proper pub venues. In one of the cafes the staff even donated their tips for the day to the cause, in one of the venues we were given brandy and pizza, in another we were just handed beer continually. Everyone is just so lovely; I started the day feeling really down about everything - hence why I wore a Santa hat and beard the whole time, to cover my depressing expression, but by the end I was actually smiling again, because we were doing a great thing for a very fitting charity, it all felt poignant by the end, I was nearly getting emotional.
Throughout the day my fellow musicians worked so hard, having to play 10 gigs is just ridiculous, and get that enthusiasm up each time, which they did. We were so tight, every gig, every performance was fun. And we raised £502 for the cause, too, which was fantastic.
It's gonna hurt tomorrow, but that was a victory, a real proper victory. A special day in the company of some of my favourite people. Amazing work.
The gigs started out in a small cafe, before eventually moving up to proper pub venues. In one of the cafes the staff even donated their tips for the day to the cause, in one of the venues we were given brandy and pizza, in another we were just handed beer continually. Everyone is just so lovely; I started the day feeling really down about everything - hence why I wore a Santa hat and beard the whole time, to cover my depressing expression, but by the end I was actually smiling again, because we were doing a great thing for a very fitting charity, it all felt poignant by the end, I was nearly getting emotional.
Throughout the day my fellow musicians worked so hard, having to play 10 gigs is just ridiculous, and get that enthusiasm up each time, which they did. We were so tight, every gig, every performance was fun. And we raised £502 for the cause, too, which was fantastic.
It's gonna hurt tomorrow, but that was a victory, a real proper victory. A special day in the company of some of my favourite people. Amazing work.
Saturday 12th December 2015
Spent the day with mum, she's coping admirably. The dog attacked Santa in Waitrose car park.
Evening went to the Dowsing 5 year bash but realised then that socially I just wasn't ready for such a big event...it was fine last night, a few mates in a little pub, but this was stressful - basically just loads and loads of people asking how I am. I'm sad, I'm down, it's natural, it's nothing to worry about.
Left early before I dragged the whole party down with me.
Evening went to the Dowsing 5 year bash but realised then that socially I just wasn't ready for such a big event...it was fine last night, a few mates in a little pub, but this was stressful - basically just loads and loads of people asking how I am. I'm sad, I'm down, it's natural, it's nothing to worry about.
Left early before I dragged the whole party down with me.
Friday 11th December 2015
Did a couple uninspiring hours in the office.
A few offers are starting to trickle in for next year - a show in Totnes, which looks really nice, and a few other little bits and bobs. And a few venue rejections, which is to be expected.
Evening met up with friends Alister, Marcus, Chris and Richard for quiet beers and reflection, it was exactly what I needed.
Thursday 10th December 2015
Back in the office for some freelance work...too soon, as dad died exactly a week or so? I don't think so, because he was a worker and would have approved, I reckon, he liked the fact that I was so active.
It was slightly draining, though - I mean, the work itself is piss easy, but my brain is struggling to focus. Apparently that's all natural. I hope I get a grip soon.
Got back and made massive dents in my to-do list...booked the biggest venue I can possibly find for a huge charity fundraiser, applied for next year's fringe already, touted the covers project around to lots of hotels online, made attempts to add shows to the February tour. A busy, but worthwhile evening of admin.
It was slightly draining, though - I mean, the work itself is piss easy, but my brain is struggling to focus. Apparently that's all natural. I hope I get a grip soon.
Got back and made massive dents in my to-do list...booked the biggest venue I can possibly find for a huge charity fundraiser, applied for next year's fringe already, touted the covers project around to lots of hotels online, made attempts to add shows to the February tour. A busy, but worthwhile evening of admin.
Thursday, 10 December 2015
Wednesday 9th December 2015
Good to be back home, time to myself. Cleaned my car for the first time in six years, slept for many hours, that sort of thing.
Sent a big scary email to the biggest venue I know asking if I can hire it for a charity fundraiser, I shall wait nervously for their reply.
Spoke to GP in great detail about my dad, it was emotional but lovely.
Started making plans for next year - booked a little tour for February, and then panicked at just how many shows I have already...2016 is going to be crazy busy. Probably a good thing.
Made a whopping to-do list, if I can get everything done by the end of the next week then I'll have the next 12 months set-up nicely.
Sent a big scary email to the biggest venue I know asking if I can hire it for a charity fundraiser, I shall wait nervously for their reply.
Spoke to GP in great detail about my dad, it was emotional but lovely.
Started making plans for next year - booked a little tour for February, and then panicked at just how many shows I have already...2016 is going to be crazy busy. Probably a good thing.
Made a whopping to-do list, if I can get everything done by the end of the next week then I'll have the next 12 months set-up nicely.
Wednesday, 9 December 2015
Tuesday 8th December 2015
Needed to get out of the family home for a bit. I miss Dad dearly; I'm not confused by this, I get this has to happen to all of us at some point and I feel privileged that I got to hold him as he drew his final breath, that I got to say everything I wanted to say (several times, just in case). I'm just really, really sad and down about it all.
After 9 days back home, I decided to go back to mine and try to get things moving again, whilst constantly calling Mum to make sure she's okay...they were together for 42 years, that's going to take some adjustment.
Played a last-minute, unadvertised, covers gig with G+V tonight. I appreciate their friendship a lot, they're tiptoeing around me a little I sense, which is understandable, but they are amazing. Gig was fine, I'm not exactly oozing with enthusiasm at the moment but got through it comfortably enough.
After 9 days back home, I decided to go back to mine and try to get things moving again, whilst constantly calling Mum to make sure she's okay...they were together for 42 years, that's going to take some adjustment.
Played a last-minute, unadvertised, covers gig with G+V tonight. I appreciate their friendship a lot, they're tiptoeing around me a little I sense, which is understandable, but they are amazing. Gig was fine, I'm not exactly oozing with enthusiasm at the moment but got through it comfortably enough.
Thursday, 3 December 2015
Thursday 3rd December 2015
Father passed away peacefully this morning at 5am. We were holding him as he drew his final breath. I am heartbroken.
Wednesday 2nd December 2015
I mean, what can you do when you're just waiting around all day as someone you love is really struggling? Nothing I could do today. It's just horrible.
Wednesday, 2 December 2015
Tuesday 1st December 2015
Spent the whole day by dad's bedside. A long, exhausting, emotional day.
Despite irregular breathing, which is a typical 'final' sign, he got through the night.
I haven't slept for a long time.
Despite irregular breathing, which is a typical 'final' sign, he got through the night.
I haven't slept for a long time.
Monday 30th November 2015
Writing this retrospectively, on Wednesday, as currently sat around in the family home looking for distractions.
Monday started well enough; I was getting the hang of my lines for the show, starting to feel vaguely optimistic. Did a couple hours in the office...and then I had the call that I'd been dreading. Dad has taken a turn, the kind of turn that according to the nice nurse I spoke to meant that he had between 3 hours and 3 days to live.
Cancelled my tour, obviously. All of the promoters were so lovely about everything.
He survived the night; I'm camping out in the family home (on the most uncomfortable sofa you could possibly imagine) until further notice.
Monday started well enough; I was getting the hang of my lines for the show, starting to feel vaguely optimistic. Did a couple hours in the office...and then I had the call that I'd been dreading. Dad has taken a turn, the kind of turn that according to the nice nurse I spoke to meant that he had between 3 hours and 3 days to live.
Cancelled my tour, obviously. All of the promoters were so lovely about everything.
He survived the night; I'm camping out in the family home (on the most uncomfortable sofa you could possibly imagine) until further notice.
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