Last night hit me bad. I did take it personally. It's not about the acts, or the price, it's because I want to raise money for Macmillan - they were amazing to Dad, I feel the need to give something back.
I was rubbish at work today. Went in for a bit and, apart from brief flirting with the pretty German girl, I was grumpy and going through the motions. I'm glad I'm freelance, if this was a proper job then I would have been thrown out by now.
It's all okay. Last night I was close to quitting stuff, you know, generally. I'm constantly banging my head against a wall, trying to get somewhere, constantly failing. It would be a lot easier if I just got a 9-5 and watched telly a lot and go to shitty am-dram twice a month and pretend that's culture. But it's not in me to do that...but I'm still on the verge of quitting most things Cambridge because there is no point putting in all of this work for nobody to come to anything. It's fine; clearly people don't want it, I can't make them want the best comedians in the country come down and perform for a fiver a ticket.
We don't have to do any of this, and I think we're on the verge of not doing it again and cancelling the rest of the run. No hard feelings, we tried to do something amazing, nobody gave a shit, we accept our differences.
I had a good show myself tonight in Stevenage. House show for Helen, who really, really supports me and everything I do. She wanted the evening in two halves, so I dug out some of the 'Inadequate Man' set and stumbled my way through half an hour of that which was uninspiring but they loved it anyway. 'Least of Your Problems...' was bloody awesome tonight. Tried out lots of new bits, cut some stuff. It's a really fun show, this one, it's naturally evolved into something I'm really confident with.
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