As my dad sat at the top of the stairs, we knew we couldn't move him - his legs had gone, and between my very small mother and I, we knew we couldn't lift him. As mum dashed next door to seek help, my dad burst into tears and told me that he wanted to die now, he's had enough of this pain. A strong man, degraded. It was a new low. There's been a series of lows. Just at that very moment I get a message from the cinema telling me that tickets for my début movie are now on sale, and how amazingly exciting it all is.
This is pretty much my life at the moment; some career-defining moments that should be celebrated, some life-changing moments of great sadness.
It hasn't been a great day, despite some nice touches. Took a day out to do family stuff today, dad wanted some fresh air so we took him in the car to the shops. It was a bad idea; he's supposed to bed-bound by now, he should be nowhere near leaving the house, but I like the fact that he wanted to. He clearly used up all his energy doing so, though. When we got back, he had a fall - I could see it happening so jumped behind him to cushion him, make the fall less painful. Hurt me as he's bloody heavy still, but I'll be fine soon once the bruising goes down. That lost him a lot of confidence, though.
Before then, in the car, I finally plucked up the courage to tell him that GP was in my film. GP and him were bandmates back in the day, before they parted ways badly. Now GP is working with me in this project, unaware who my dad is. Dad smiled and said, "Ah, bless him. I was gonna suggest him anyway. Say hi from me next time you speak to him...don't you dare tell him I'm ill, though." I don't know why I worried so much about that. Showed Dad the film later on - he's the first person besides me and Karen (editor) to see the final, final cut. I think he liked it, not sure, he's just so tired, though.
It was a tough day, today, the harsh reminder that, whilst dad will have good days, there is no miracle at the end, and the end is dawning closer.
In the meantime, Sarah - when confirming that she can't direct the musical due to time issues, said how great the script was, really great, and how she laughed outloud at lots of it. She's asked that we do it next Christmas, and she'll direct it then. She clearly doesn't know me well enough. It will happen this year and it will be awesome.
Everyone's getting excited about the film, I just hope it meets their expectations. I still need to write 3 more episodes of the sitcom for Emma, the panto, and the solo show, plus launch our own PR firm. Ever get the feeling you've taken on too much?
No comments:
Post a Comment