Is being good at what I do the same as being cocky? It feels like I'm accidentally behaving that way. I'm on really on good form as a drummer at the moment - that's not arrogance, because I'm happy to admit I can often be quite mediocre these days, but I'm really fired up, mostly inspired by the family stuff that's going on. The Dowsing gig at the weekend - that's me hitting the form I know I should be hitting every night as a 'professional', and today, back in the studio with the band working on the second album I really nailed it, 7 tracks in as many hours, sometimes even in the first take, mostly in the second, and I get called a 'cocky fucker'. Jokingly, I think. Perhaps.
See, there's this whole stigma about nailing something in the first take - people just assume it won't be good enough. But what if that take actually is? And what am I supposed to do when I get it right in the first take...make a few mistakes at the end, just so we have to do it again, a few times? I was on cracking form today, and yet strangely I feel a bit insecure about it all. Maybe it's because Dad is planning his own funeral, that freaked me out a bit. Or maybe I just need a break. A day off, some sleep, that would be nice. No chance.
After a long day in the studio I met up with my mate Tom at the BBC and he sacked me for the film, then I got home and wrote the quiz for tomorrow night - which so far NOBODY is attending.
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